Harare’s Great Currency‑Swap Scandal: “We Never Said 2030, We Just Borrowed the Date”
Harare – In a shocking turn that has economists clutching their coffee mugs and ordinary citizens wondering whether their change is in US dollars, Zimbabwe dollars, or the mythical “Zim‑dollar‑that‑never‑was,” Treasury chief George Guvamatanga dropped the bombshell at a post‑budget press conference on Monday: the much‑banged‑about 2030 deadline to ditch the greenback was never the government’s idea at all.
By Tinotenda Samukange
“It was the Confederation of Zimbabwe Industries (CZI) that insisted on a date,” Guvamatanga confessed, as if revealing that the tooth fairy had been caught red‑handed. “I argued, ‘Let’s not put a closing date on this.’ Then the CZI shouted, ‘We want a date!’ and, well, the rest is statutory‑instrument history.”
The statutory instrument (SI) in question, which now reads like a corporate love‑letter to the future, was apparently drafted by the Bankers Association of Zimbabwe (BAZ) and polished off by CZI’s legal eagles. “We didn’t even write the SI,” Guvamatanga admitted. “BAZ wrote it, CZI added the 2030 deadline, and we just hit ‘publish.’”
Finance Minister Mthuli Ncube, ever the pragmatist, chimed in with the diplomatic equivalent of “oops”: “Let’s remove the date.” Because nothing says “trust us” like erasing a deadline you never actually set.
The revelation has left the nation in a state of delightful confusion. Investors, already jittery from past currency roller‑coasters, are now debating whether to hedge their bets on a future where the local currency is as stable as a house of cards in a hurricane. Ordinary folk, meanwhile, are still trying to figure out whether their next paycheck will arrive in US dollars, Zimbabwe dollars, or the elusive “Zim‑dollar” that may or may not exist by 2030.
In the meantime, the CZI has performed an about‑face that would make a weather‑vane blush, now suggesting the date be “removed altogether.” BAZ, meanwhile, is polishing its résumé for the next round of “Who Wrote the SI?” awards.
So, dear readers, as the government scrambles to untangle who actually signed off on the 2030 deadline, one thing remains clear: in Zimbabwe, the only certainty is that the currency story will keep getting more interesting – and that the 2030 de‑dollarisation target is now officially “maybe someday.”
Stay tuned for the next episode of “Who Put That in the Law?”
Coming soon to a parliament near you.
